So we are now in the middle of the November and we are soon entering the Christmas season. There is a lot of stuff that has happened throughout this year. Both in my personal life and on world basis.
Let’s get the elephant out the room, covid 19. This year the entire world got hit with a giant virus pandemic which seems to be on the same scale as the “The black death”. People have died, lost their jobs and many have struggled with mental issues. Depending on where you live you’re situation might differ. Here in Norway we have tried to keep it as much under control as in any other country. We haven’t had any serious lockdowns since May and we haven’t been forced to wear mask either. As it is the law stipulates that people have to wear mask out on public ground and during rush hours on public transport. The fine for breaking these rules are 2k NOK. At my work we aren’t forced to wear mask, but it’s highly advice to use it when we walk around in the store feeling up the shelfs. We have glass at the tills etc, but other than that it’s just to each individual to take care for their own safety.
I have a lot of friends who has really been affected by this. Some of my friends have had close ones die and many others have struggled with mental issues during these troubled times. For me I have struggled a lot this year, but not everything has been because of covid. My struggles has been between friends, stream and how I feel my self progress is going.
So a couple of months ago I did something really stupid (might go into detail at another date) which lost me a streaming friend and almost everyone who was a part in her community. I’m blaming myself for it fully and understand her decision, but I do miss being part in a community where I felt like I was home. So I have been struggling to fit in somewhere. I have tried but still kind of searching. Having friends and someone to talk to is very important for me and I just haven’t felt like there is someone who is appreciating me the way I want to be appreciated. I compare myself with people which mean that as soon as I see someone succeeding on something wither it’s building a community or within streaming I get sad starts thing about “why don’t I have this, what is wrong with me” because in my head I feel like I “deserve” to get like more viewers on stream or people who would give me surprises when I hit a milestone etc (I know it sound super selfish but it’s just how it is). So everyday I struggle trying to not think about these kinds of stuff. I could go on for almost 10 pages more but I won’t hehehe.
The summery is that I have also struggled with pandemic that is going on. I have lost friends, broke off a relationship because of long distance and a LOT of mental issues when it comes to streaming. As I like to put it
I have a constantly fight between my heart and my mind
Yannani – 2020
To end on a good note at least Trump lost the election to Biden. Depending on where you stand in terms of politics I hope the majority of you are happy for this change. There might me some light in this pandemic after all. Anyway I hope everyone is doing alright, staying inside or keeping social distancing. Take care of yourself and your loved ones in these dark times.
The Anna behind Yannani 